In the wee hours of the night last night, while I was listening to thunder booming and my husband trying to cough up one or both of his lungs, I developed a theory. I'm not certain if I could prove this theory in a laboratory, but, by God, it sure as hell seems to be the case for me.
The FAT CELLS in my ASS know when I'm coming for them!! I think they must have a way of communicating with GERMS in the air around me and sucking them in so that any time I'm getting ready to launch an attack against them I get sick. What the hell? Why are the germ cells so willing to cooperate? They're like desperate teenagers without a date to homecoming.
So here I am, ready to start the biggest war against my fat ass in all of history and what's going on in my house? My oldest son has bronchitis. My husband has bronchitis. In spite of taking massive quantities of vitamins, I can't breathe through my right nostril and my throat hurts. Everyone is coughing and blowing snot on me from every direction. If this isn't a conspiracy, I don't know what is! I tell you: the fat cells and the germ cells are planning something big but it will be a battle to the death! I'm not cancelling my trip...even if I do get SICK! So there fat!! So there germs!! Ha!
No comments:
Post a Comment