work at all. I made the mistake of using everyone else's arbitrary "new life" start point as my own. I made the stupid "resolutions" at the end of the calendar year instead of saving them for my birthday like I've pretty much always done.
Unfortunately for my ego (and the size of my ass)...I set myself up for an epic failure from the get-go. Me trying to put my stalled weight loss on a RESTART while my in-laws are still visiting is like trying to teach my dogs to wipe their bottoms with toilet paper instead of licking them clean. It doesn't work. I've tried the former and discussed the latter at length with the dogs. The dogs just continue to look at me in glee or dismay depending on their doggy moods.
By 1:00 in the afternoon on New Year's Day, we HAD to go out to eat because we were running errands and Grandpa's blood sugar was low. (If watching someone give themselves insulin shots doesn't put the fear of God into you about your weight, NOTHING will.) I had no choice but to go with them to lunch. Well, I guess I could have tucked and rolled out of the moving vehicle when the decision was made, but that would have probably been an overreaction. I guess I could have ordered a glass of water and stealthily eaten the protein bar I had packed in my purse, but with all the outside influences at play, I caved. It could have been worse. I could have ordered the steak sandwich and fries that my ass wanted, but I didn't. I ordered a grilled chicken (I think they grilled it in a vat of oil??) salad with no croutons and no cheese and ranch salad dressing on the side. I used less than a tablespoon of dressing. I left feeling somewhat victorious for "tweaking" my resolutions to fit the circumstances.
Then we had to go to dinner. And then breakfast the next day...and so on. This festival of food consumption culminated last night at Olive Garden where, by this point, I felt like such a total failure for not sticking to my resolution to eat at home that I ate everything in sight...including, but not limited to a breadstick, three bowls of salad (with dressing and croutons)...and an order of chicken picatta with a side of cheese ravioli in a ridiculously creamy sauce. I was so full I nearly puked in the car on the way home and I've been up since about 4 a.m. with a horrific headache. The kicker is: I don't even really LIKE Olive Garden.
What's nice now, though, is the idea of eating out again right now repulses me. All I want to do is take my Synthroid with a giant glass of water on a nice empty stomach and go back to bed for about an hour. I'll make myself an egg white omlete when I wake up again...maybe have one of those DELICIOUS honey crisp apples too. Have you tried those? Soooooo yummy. Then, I'll hit the gym, help the inlaws load of the car because they're heading out today, and, perhaps, continue my "let's look at new sofas" shopping expidition with my hubby - or not - the last thing I really need is a MORE comfortable place to sit and turn into a pile of gelatinous goo.
Right now, I feel like a living example of the road to hell being paved with good intentions. At least it's an interesting journey.
Showing posts with label eating out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eating out. Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I have officially been...
HOME from fat camp (otherwise known as Real Life Fitness and Health) for one week. Reintegration is difficult, but I'm managing. According to the first Sunday (at home weigh in), I'm down 3 more pounds since my departure from camp. If I can keep up this pace (I'd be happy for 2 pounds a week) I WILL MEET MY GOAL by my birthday!
This is what I know right now:
It was a life changing experience for me to go to Real Life. In spite of having access to all the "tools" at home: gyms, trainers, therapists, nutritionists, etc. I also had a whole host of issues to constantly deal with...some real, some excuses that I imagined for myself, All the issues and excuses had managed to bundle themselves up into a ball...then a boulder...then a seemingly insurmountable mountain. I had created a mountain out of doubts and fears and insecurities and food addictions and saboteurs and lethargy and injuries and more and more excuses.
I had to find a way around the mountain. My way was to leave home. It was a difficult thing to do. I left my husband and my teenage boys and all my pets and all my responsibilities. I got in my car and drove to Real Life Fitness and Health in Draper, Utah. When I arrived, the only things left for which I was personally responsible were personal hygiene, waking up in the morning and getting dressed and ready for boot camp. The alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. This was enough responsibility.
We were told where to be, when we needed to be there, what we should do when we got there, what we should eat (the meals were prepared for us and the last time we saw our dishes was when we cleared them from the table). We were given loads of encouragement and support. We had brilliant facilities and fantastic trainers. We spent approximately 14 hours a day at the gym...with breaks for snacks and meals.
We learned not only how to exercise, but how to LOVE exercise and appreciate what it can do for our body. We learned to appreciate food as FUEL instead of a treat, entertainment, or pleasure. We learned to find other things, besides food, to do that are not only MORE FUN but don't include eating as the primary focus and, as a bonus, burn calories. All I want for Christmas this year is a pair of my very own bowling shoes...AND....one of those cool, custom balls. And if Santa's feeling really super generous, an F1 racing go-kart would be awesome too!!
Since I've been home, I've learned that I'm capable of making good choices when we go out to eat. I CAN go to our favorite Chinese food restaurant and order steamed shrimp and steamed green beans without oil or msg or rice. It's still delicious and when I'm done I feel better than I would have felt if I'd eaten Sesame Beef and fried rice. I CAN go to our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant and order grilled quail with a side of pico-de-gallo and (1) corn tortilla. Did I miss the chips and queso? Sure...right up until we left the restaurant and I was the only person in the car who didn't feel like they needed a nap.
I went to the gym twice today. Once, this morning for group Yoga...again, this afternoon, with my husband, for some cardio. Every time I make a good choice about what I eat, every time I go to the gym, every time I walk instead of ride, every time I say, "Let's DO SOMETHING instead of meeting for dinner!" Every time I call or text or tweet or Facebook a friend when I need a shoulder for support. Every time I do any of those things, I'm taking a step towards meeting my goal.
This is what I know right now:
It was a life changing experience for me to go to Real Life. In spite of having access to all the "tools" at home: gyms, trainers, therapists, nutritionists, etc. I also had a whole host of issues to constantly deal with...some real, some excuses that I imagined for myself, All the issues and excuses had managed to bundle themselves up into a ball...then a boulder...then a seemingly insurmountable mountain. I had created a mountain out of doubts and fears and insecurities and food addictions and saboteurs and lethargy and injuries and more and more excuses.
I had to find a way around the mountain. My way was to leave home. It was a difficult thing to do. I left my husband and my teenage boys and all my pets and all my responsibilities. I got in my car and drove to Real Life Fitness and Health in Draper, Utah. When I arrived, the only things left for which I was personally responsible were personal hygiene, waking up in the morning and getting dressed and ready for boot camp. The alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. This was enough responsibility.
We were told where to be, when we needed to be there, what we should do when we got there, what we should eat (the meals were prepared for us and the last time we saw our dishes was when we cleared them from the table). We were given loads of encouragement and support. We had brilliant facilities and fantastic trainers. We spent approximately 14 hours a day at the gym...with breaks for snacks and meals.
We learned not only how to exercise, but how to LOVE exercise and appreciate what it can do for our body. We learned to appreciate food as FUEL instead of a treat, entertainment, or pleasure. We learned to find other things, besides food, to do that are not only MORE FUN but don't include eating as the primary focus and, as a bonus, burn calories. All I want for Christmas this year is a pair of my very own bowling shoes...AND....one of those cool, custom balls. And if Santa's feeling really super generous, an F1 racing go-kart would be awesome too!!
Since I've been home, I've learned that I'm capable of making good choices when we go out to eat. I CAN go to our favorite Chinese food restaurant and order steamed shrimp and steamed green beans without oil or msg or rice. It's still delicious and when I'm done I feel better than I would have felt if I'd eaten Sesame Beef and fried rice. I CAN go to our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant and order grilled quail with a side of pico-de-gallo and (1) corn tortilla. Did I miss the chips and queso? Sure...right up until we left the restaurant and I was the only person in the car who didn't feel like they needed a nap.
I went to the gym twice today. Once, this morning for group Yoga...again, this afternoon, with my husband, for some cardio. Every time I make a good choice about what I eat, every time I go to the gym, every time I walk instead of ride, every time I say, "Let's DO SOMETHING instead of meeting for dinner!" Every time I call or text or tweet or Facebook a friend when I need a shoulder for support. Every time I do any of those things, I'm taking a step towards meeting my goal.
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