I like...

a lot of things that aren't good for me. I like pizza. I like chocolate. I like cake and pie and donuts and pastries and cupcakes and cookies. I like potato chips and french fries. I like chicken fried steak. I like fresh baked bread with tons of butter. I like burgers. I like bacon. This list could go on forever.

Thankfully, I also like a lot of things that ARE good for me...love them even. I like a beautiful salad. I like fresh fruit. I like lean grilled meats. I love sashimi. I like how I feel when I eat things that are healthy for me. I like how I feel when my Fitbit gives me a badge for hitting a goal. I like how I feel when I finish a workout that I almost didn't start in the first place.

I do NOT like how I feel when I ignore my body's need for healthy fuel. I do NOT like how I feel when I ignore my body's need to MOVE MY ASS. Ignoring these needs makes me feel sick. I have plenty of health problems already. I've had thyroid cancer. I have fibromyalgia. I have discs in my back with a mind of their own. The little f**kers are constantly slipping in and out. I've refused surgery so I have to live with the fact that a slight twist in the wrong direction at the right time will put me on the ground. Being overweight has caused damage to my knees and ankles and feet. It often hurts to walk so much that I can barely manage to get out of bed in the morning.

There are a lot of days when I use all my health problems as an excuse to endulge in things that I "like." See how the cycle self-perpetuates?

I feel like crap so I ignore my body's needs and feed it crap...which makes me feel even crappier...and so on.

Lately, though, I've been trying to remind myself how good I feel when I take care of myself and how crappy I feel when I don't. I've been asking my friends and family to remind me too. It's helping me make better choices. It's helping me make little changes.

Enough little changes will eventually add up to something big.

Enough little changes will eventually SUBTRACT something big off my ass! ;)

Is February 2nd...

too early to be thinking about heating up the pool?!

I am logging my food. I am eating smaller portions of healthier things. I am dragging my ass up and down the stairs at least ten times a day because my FITBIT won't give me my stairs badge if I don't. I've been walking at least 10,000 steps a day. I've been doing pilates and yoga and lifting weights. I'm losing pounds slowly but steadily.

I am BORED.

I hate climbing stairs. I hate walking when I don't have an actual place to go. I don't mind pilates and yoga and weight lifting and I LOVE losing pounds...BUT, I AM BORED.

I love to swim laps and the damn pool has been too cold since late October to swim. I am beginning to get a little whiny about it. I am officially asking my dear husband not to give me flowers or jewelry or art or, God forbid, candy for Valentine's Day. All I want is a warm swimming pool!! Pretty please with sugar kisses on top!!!

Swimming is MY thing. It's the form of exercise I actually enjoy...even love. It's therapy for me...both physical and emotional. I miss it even though it's only been a few months.

Have you found YOUR thing? If you haven't, I highly recommend trying NEW things until you do. You'll KNOW when you find it.

Oh, by the way, Happy Superbowl Sunday if that's your thing. I almost forgot because it's most definitely not mine. ;)

I have lost...

4.4 POUNDS since December 30th. I think that's a pretty darn good REstart.

I owe a debt of gratitude to my younger son (who has a body fat percentage of maybe 5% but came home from his first semester at college feeling "chubby.") I'm so proud that he's aware of and concerned about his own health and knows what it takes to be HEALTHY. He's been a great influence on our family's eating habits...even taking it upon himself to grill massive quantities of chicken breasts.

I also owe a debt of gratitude to whomever invented my FITBIT. (Yes. I like it more than the BodyBugg. I don't care that it might not be quite as accurate.) This little marvel of technology and the instant feedback that it offers has me doing things I NEVER would have considered doing a week or so ago....like walking laps around the kitchen island at 11 p.m. just to make sure I get all my steps for the day. The only thing that could make it a more perfect device would be if it were waterproof. I'm going to be bummed when the weather turns warm again and I can get back in my pool to not have it counting laps for me too!

Like I promised myself and all of you, I've been logging my food - religiously - BEFORE I put it in my mouth. It's making a big difference. I'm managing to maintain about a 1000 calorie per day deficit which mathematically means I should be losing about 2 pounds per week....which means that this time next year I'll be lighter than I've been since before my oldest son was born (two decades ago!)

I don't have anything particularly profound to say. I'm just working on being consistent. I'm working on moving my ass more. I'm working on finding myself again. I'm working on reminding myself that this isn't an overnight process. I'm working on learning better ways to handle my stress without drowning in a bowl of ice cream. I'm working on me.

It's been over a year...

since I last wrote a blog post. It's been over a year since I thought that I was getting my life back under control. It's been over a year since I thought I'd had an epiphany regarding taking care of my own health so I could better help the people who count upon me to help them with theirs. It's been over a year since I've done more than think about eating right or exercising. It's been over a year since I've given a crap about my own needs.

Time's up.

I normally don't make New Year's Resolutions. I've always thought they were sort of ridiculous.

But...

I've spent the last year without a shred of resolve to do anything other than the absolute necessities. I've spent the last year doing my best to take care of everyone I love except myself.

I'm going to be spending the last day of 2012 at my endocrynologist's office. I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer in October of 2005. I had a total thyroidectomy in December of the same year. It's been a lot longer than ONE year since I've had my own health to use as an excuse not take to care of my own health. (if that makes any sense to anyone at all!)

The last time I went in for a check-up, my doctor told me I HAD to change things or I'd end up on cholesterol lowering medications and blood pressure medications and a whole other slew of medications to chemically manage what I should be dealing with through eating clean and moving my ass. He gave me 6 months. I let them slip through my fingers. Heaven knows what he's going to do to me tomorrow.

So, once again, I find myself STARTING AGAIN. I find myself RESOLVING to change my life for the better. I find myself being reminded (again and again) that I'm no good to anyone if I don't take care of me.

I'm doing one thing differently this time, however.

This time, I'm asking YOU for your help.

Yes, YOU.

Please take this as an open request to call me out on my excuses. Please take this as an open request to keep me accountable. Please keep reminding me that this isn't just about shrinking my ass, although I could use some reminders to keep up with this blog! Please keep reminding me that I KNOW how to do what I need to do...I just have to do it.

And most of all...please join me in my journey. It doesn't matter if you don't have weight to lose. It doesn't matter if you're a marathon runner or if you can't drag yourself off the couch. Each of us can start taking better care of ourselves, physically and emotionally, TODAY and throughout the New Year.

Join me.

I just began...

a long-winded and pathetically whiny post about how bad this year has sucked and how tough I am for getting through not only this year but all the trials and tribulations of my life and so on and so on and blahblahblah.

I deleted it before I finished.

As many of you know, I haven't been writing because life has gotten in the way. As much as I KNEW that I have to keep taking care of myself (and writing, for me, is part of that)...I had to actually DO it or I'm no help to anyone.

For about a month or so now, I've been doing it. I've been logging my food religiously. I've been wearing my Bodybugg and making a point to move a little bit more every day. I've been making the doctor's appointments I need to make to get the random broken bits and pieces of me fixed so I can function without physical pain. I have NOT been obsessive. I have NOT made it an all or nothing situation.

I am changing my life, permanently, for the better, one step at a time and it is WORKING! The pounds that piled back on while I was drowning myself in my food addiction in response to uncontrollable (Hi. My name is Naomi and I AM a CONTROL FREAK!) situations in my life are starting to come off again. They aren't coming off at a record pace, but the scale is showing a lower number each week.

The world around me hasn't changed. Life is still incredibly stressful, but I am learning to respond to it in a healthier way. I am also learning to look past all the crap and appreciate the good. It's a challenging path, but I'm rising to meet it and my ass seems to be falling a little behind. ;)

I just read back...

through the past year and change of my blog posts.

I was initially shocked and dismayed to see how many times I have REstarted my journey. I have gotten highly motivated, had some success, had some sort of set-back, (be it illnesses or injuries or whatever)...and then started the whole process again.

Right now, part of me is figuratively smacking myself on the forehead saying, "What the hell is wrong with you?! Why aren't you THERE yet??!!" There are so many television shows nowadays where I can watch people making amazing physical transformations in relatively short periods of time. I'd list them all, but it's really irrelevant and if you're sharing this journey with me, you probably know them all too well. You might be asking yourself the very same questions. Why aren't we "THERE" yet?

I can say, definitively, that I'm not there because I've been self-sabotaging. I have been allowing my ass to take the lead in stressful and painful life situations. It IS easier to sit down with the chips and salsa and vegetate than it is to get up and deal with what's going on around me. Taking the easy path won't get me where I ultimately want to go, but it is easy.

With all that being said, I've decided to give myself credit for all the REstarts. Being a REstarter is much better than being a quitter.

Hi! My name is...

Naomi and I'm addicted to food.

Isn't admitting you have a problem the first step in recovery?

Well, I've KNOWN that I've had a food addiction for quite a while now. Just like the worst heroin junkie or the biggest drunk, when life isn't going according to "plan" or stress gets to be overwhelming or I'm just plain bored, I tend to look first to my drug of choice, food, for the solution. When I'm upset about something and start eating, I can actually feel a physical release. It's almost like there is only so much room in my body...and it can either be full of negative emotions or food...but not both at the same time.

Those of you that struggle with the same issue KNOW exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't get it, don't try to understand. Just be thankful that this particular issue isn't yours.

I've been in what I can only describe as a state of mourning for the past few months. No, nobody I know died. Sadly, for the time being, however, I've lost them just the same. In order to avoid dealing with the current reality of this situation, I've been eating myself into a state of nearly catatonic oblivion. It's embarrassing to admit, but it's true.

A couple of things happened recently that I think are setting me back on the right path (assuming I was ever on it in the first place.)

1. While browsing through one of the many magazines I inherit on a monthly basis from my Mom, I came across an article about food addiction. In the article, they recommended a book. I ordered it for my Sony Reader (like a Kindle or Nook). I was surprised to realize that the author apparently has complete access to my every thought.

Check it out: www.shrinkyourself.com

2. Someone recently gave me an invaluable piece of advice regarding the depressing situation I've been dealing with. In a nutshell, they explained to me that I had two choices. Since I can't "fix" anyone's problems besides my own, I can either sacrifice myself to the dungeon of WAITING TO PICK UP THE PIECES of another person's broken life, or I can start living my own life to the best of my abilities.

I've chosen to start living my life again. It's cliche, but I can't truly be around to pick up pieces if I shatter myself in the meantime.

I believe that it's time to get back to work shattering the fat cells in my ass instead.