Emergen-C why dost thou...

forsaketh me? I add you faithfully to my water daily. I take all my other multi-vitamins as well. I try to get enough rest. Since I've arrived at Real Life Fitness and Health (Fat Camp!)...I've been eating healthfully too. I wash my hands after going to the bathroom, before meals, anytime I touch something gross, and pretty much any other time it crosses my mind. I cover my mouth if I cough or sneeze and try to avoid being around people that seem sick. So, why-oh-why, Emergen-C, do I keep getting sick? It seems that I'm doing everything right. I stand back and watch those around me touch sweaty gym equipment and then wipe their noses with their hands and then touch the equipment again. I think about all the people that walk casually out of the bathroom without washing their hands. I watch other Fat Camp attendees line up like starving cattle in a feed lock to get their meals...straight from the gym...so few of them bothering to take the few extra moments at the sink to wash their hands. It confounds me, Emergen-C. Why is it me that gets sick and they that stay healthy? Is it the conspiracy between the germs and my ass? Have I stayed so clean throughout the years that my immune system hasn't had a chance to learn to fight off bacterial bugs and viruses and other weapons of destruction? I don't get it. Please help me get over whatever this bug is quickly, Emergen-C. I've been faithful to you for many years...don't fail me now.

Could FAT and GERM cells be COGNIZANT?

In the wee hours of the night last night, while I was listening to thunder booming and my husband trying to cough up one or both of his lungs, I developed a theory. I'm not certain if I could prove this theory in a laboratory, but, by God, it sure as hell seems to be the case for me.

The FAT CELLS in my ASS know when I'm coming for them!! I think they must have a way of communicating with GERMS in the air around me and sucking them in so that any time I'm getting ready to launch an attack against them I get sick. What the hell? Why are the germ cells so willing to cooperate? They're like desperate teenagers without a date to homecoming.

So here I am, ready to start the biggest war against my fat ass in all of history and what's going on in my house? My oldest son has bronchitis. My husband has bronchitis. In spite of taking massive quantities of vitamins, I can't breathe through my right nostril and my throat hurts. Everyone is coughing and blowing snot on me from every direction. If this isn't a conspiracy, I don't know what is! I tell you: the fat cells and the germ cells are planning something big but it will be a battle to the death! I'm not cancelling my trip...even if I do get SICK! So there fat!! So there germs!! Ha!