Sunday, February 28, 2010

I made it...

to FAT CAMP! It took a ton of research, a bout with the plague, a ridiculous amount of overpacking, a lot of tears shed at the airport hugging my husband and kids goodbye, but I'm here. I'm sitting in a very nice kitchen/breakfast/family room at Real Life Fitness and Health typing this on my laptop and watching the United States hockey team getting their asses handed to them by the Canadians.

My flight was uneventful. I'd forgotten how much nicer it is to fly first class. What a score on those upgrades, eh? (The Canadian stuff must be rubbing off on me.) It wasn't much more to upgrade than it would have cost to check my bags...always lovely to have a hot towel and a CLEAN bathroom when you're flying.

I was deliriously happy to find my limo driver when I walked down to the baggage claim. Being generally unobservant of my surroundings (I've walked right by my Mom at the mall before), I've never had good luck noticing a stranger just because they were holding a sign with my name on it. This driver was smart enough to use nice big block letters, my WHOLE name instead of just my last, and, most importantly, to stand in a place where I couldn't possibly miss walking past him. Smart kid. I should have taken his picture...he looked freakishly like John Cusack from his "Say Anything" era.

So...I'm here...I've been given a water bottle (good thing because it's the one thing I didn't pack)...a binder full of instructions and notes for people that don't know how to take their own notes...a t-shirt that I'm supposed to wear tomorrow in case I get lost...and strict instructions to be up and ready to go at 5:40 in the morning tomorrow.

What will I be doing tomorrow? From what I understand, finding out just how fat, precisely, my ass actually is. Oh boy.

Oh and getting more athletic shoes!! Yippee!! :)

Friday, February 26, 2010


I've been up for two hours and I've accomplished a whole lot of nothing so far today.

Well, nothing except:

* Saying goodbye to the boys when they left for school (finding out that neither of them plans to be home very much on MY LAST SATURDAY!)
* Letting the dogs out to go to the bathroom
* Bringing the dogs back inside
* Feeding the cat
* Trying to soak some stains out of a pair of baseball pants
* Eating some breakfast (don't even ask!)
* Posting a bunch of movie quotes on Facebook for movie quote week
* Watching the news for a little while
* Writing this

Not my best morning.

I'm starting to think it might not be such a bad idea for me to go back to bed for an hour or so. That way I could wake up and start anew.

I am Naomi...Queen of Procrastination.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Getting EXCITED...

AND completely terrified!! Today is officially the last THURSDAY I'll be spending at home until APRIL of 2010. When I say it that way, it sounds a lot scarier than it really in the interest of being a total drama queen, that's how I've been saying it...over and over and anyone who will listen...ALL DAY LONG!

The Sears Repair man came this morning and fixed my washing machine. Fixing it involved taking out three screws, removing a panel, draining some water, and then removing an enormous creature like hunk composed primarily of dog hair and coins. Thank God for extended warranties! It would have been a $140 repair if we hadn't been covered. Now I can start washing my clothes so I can get to packing! More lessons for the boys about sorting and removing coins and such on Saturday...prayers of thanks for the extended warranty from now until I get home again.

More things to think about:

To pack for a four week trip (where I have access to a washer and dryer) what is a reasonable amount of clothing to bring? I'm not a fashion diva by any stretch of the imagination, but I do like to be clean and I do hate to do laundry. We're going to be working out..A LOT. I would have to assume I'll be taking more than one shower a day...which means changing clothes more than once a day. Real Life Fitness and Health (the Fat Camp!) is also in Northern Utah. It's COLD there! I'm from the South. I didn't see snow on the ground until I was in my 20's. I'll need lots of layers. Things that make me go, "hmmmmmmm."

Off to lunch with my hubby...then laundry...then my younger son's baseball game..the last one :( I'll get to see before I get back...then dinner...then more laundry...then sleep...then probably some more laundry...

Sense a theme?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Final Countdown!

Well...I'm on the rebound from the land of the dead. This illness or plague or whatever has been making the rounds of my household has been some seriously nasty stuff. Even my oldest son who has, "a superior immune system" ended up missing over a week of school. He's been clamouring to get out and about for a while now, but every time he's up doing anything he starts coughing like a craggy old man. School, maybe, and whatnot is going to have to wait for a while. He'll be pissed, I'm sure, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

My younger son and I went foraging for food this morning. The process nearly sucked the life right out of me. (It's hard to believe that I'm going to be doing 8 hours or so of cardio a day a week from now!) Walmart on a! I ended up filling two carts full of the sort of crap that I thought my husband and two teenagers might be consuming while I was away at FAT CAMP for a month...nearly $500 worth of ice cream, frozen pizza, processed sandwich meat, tv dinners, chips, crackers, cans of soup, etc. If it was quick and easy and I happened to notice it, it went in the cart. There was absolutely no regard for transfats...nutritional content...fiber...calories...any of that. My only concern was that my husband and children not starve to death while I'm away. I've seen all of them spend too many hours standing in front of a refrigerator loaded with fresh fruits and vegetables and frozen, boneless, skinless chicken breasts at a total loss for how to feed themselves. I'm nearly certain that they'll eat crap while I'm gone one way or another...I'll try to undo the damage when I get home.

About this time next Sunday...I'll be in a limo on my way to a month's worth of I'm not sure what. That gives me less than one week to do a whole bunch of really important things. I have to PACK. I have to get Sears to come to my house and fix the washing machine I murdered yesterday so I can have clean clothes to pack. I have to take Yoda (the smallest of my four dogs - the Papillon with calcium oxolate bladder stones) to GCVS to get an ultrasound. I have to set up some sort of reminder system so that my husband doesn't forget to give Yoda his "gruel" in the morning and evening while I'm gone (the other three dogs only get fed once a day.) If Yoda misses his "gruel" it means more surgery for certain. I have to teach the boys how to do their own laundry so they don't murder the washing machine after Sears fixes it.

Most of all, and I'm pretty sure I've said this at least once (if not several times) before...I HAVE GOT TO GET MY HEAD ON STRAIGHT!! I need to not feel guilty about taking four weeks away from my family to focus on myself and my health. It is NOT a bad thing that I'm doing. It IS important. I will come back from this trip healthier. I will come back from this trip with more energy. I will come back from this trip with tools to continue that journey myself and help my whole family be healthier too. It is a short time that will bring huge benefits for all of us. Right? A small investment for a huge return. Isn't it? Then why do I still feel so guilty? Oh well, no turning back now!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Change of plans...

The germs won...for now, at least. As we discussed previously, they conspired with the fat cells in my ass, waged an all out war and the little shits won. In spite of two trips to the doctor (as of yesterday THREE)...three different kinds of antibiotics, a steroid dose pack, an inhaler, copious amounts of Sudafed and Mucinex, enough Vitamin C to take out an orange grove, and, so far, SIX boxes of tissues, THE GERMS WON!!

BUT as the historians like to say...they won the battle...NOT THE WAR!

I had to reschedule my trip to fat camp out in Utah. I was supposed to leave on the 7th. I'm going to leave on the 28th (my Mommy's b-day) instead. Is this perfect timing for me? No. It means I'm going to be gone for my kids' Spring Break. I'm going to be gone for my b-day...although I'm not sure those really matter any more. I'm going to miss more of my younger son's baseball games than I would care to miss.

None of that's the end of the world, though. I have almost three weeks between now and then to get over this crud so I can hit the gym running (or at least walking at a decent clip) when I get to Utah. If I get better sooner, it would probably be in my best interest to go to my gym here once or twice before I go too!

In the meantime, I wonder if the germs know that they've made me so sick that I haven't been hungry...therefore haven't eaten any more than I've absolutely had to so I can take my medicine...and because of that have lost 6 pounds in the past 7 days. Shhhhhhhhhh! Don't tell them! ;)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


I've been thinking a LOT about this lately. What, exactly, am I trying to accomplish by ditching my family, my work, my pets, and my home for 4 weeks and heading off to fat camp?

What are reasonable goals? For weight loss? For fitness? For PERMANENT changes in my lifestyle and attitudes towards health and food and fitness?

I was watching the Biggest Loser last night. Now, I don't know exactly how similar the place I'm going will be to "the ranch" but I do know that they plan on making me work out 6 - 8 hours a day. I know that someone else will be preparing my food. I can assume that they won't be feeding me the same sort of high-calorie/low nutritional value crap I tend to gravitate towards at home. I know that they give me one of those Body Bugg thingies to wear so I can supposedly see how many calories I'm burning vs. how many calories I'm consuming. The math is easy: BURN 3500 calories = LOSE one pound. Can I do that every day for a month? Could I do that TWICE a day? What's reasonable? Possible? Former camp attendees say to shoot for around 10 percent loss (average of 2.5% week) over the 4 week period.

So, like I said, I've thought about it a lot...trying to be realistic and hopeful at the same time...and this is the list of things I'm going to try to accomplish:

1. I'm shooting for a loss of 15%...I know there's going to be fat loss/muscle gain stuff going on, but overall, 15% is my goal. I won't be totally bummed out if I only hit 10%, but with the tools they're giving me and the fact that my body has always responded very nicely to being given high quality fuel and lots of exercise, I think this is reasonable.

2. I want to NOT injure my ankle!! I know this is a negative and goals SHOULD be positive, BUT (big BUT...not big BUTT)...I've blown out my right ankle one too many times already. My podiatrist says the next time means surgery for certain. The surgery entails having the stringy torn mess that remains of my ligaments replaced with cadaver ligaments (gross!) and not being able to put an ounce of weight on my foot for three months or more. This would not be a good way to continue my fitness journey. It would be bad. Really, really, bad. I have to be careful with my ankle!

3. I want to be able to RUN! The last time I tried running/jogging (I'll call it running because that seems more cool) at the gym, I managed a huffing and puffing 5 minutes at 5 mph. I would like to be able to do at least 30 minutes at that speed without feeling like I was going to have a heart attack and die!

4. I want to learn some simple ways to feed myself and MY FAMILY things that aren't going to pack pounds on me. I don't want my husband to develop diabetes like his spite of the fact he's not overweight. His "go to" meal is a giant bowl of cereal...the sweeter the better. I'm tired of seeing my younger son live on frozen waffles because I'm too tired in the evening to make dinner and he's too hungry to wait for me to order something (pizza?!). I'm tired of seeing the total lack of variety in my older son's diet. For the past month, I don't think he's eaten anything but lunch meat, bread, and yogurt. No vegetables. No fruit. Just dry sandwiches and yogurt....not good. My family counts on me to lead them and feed them. If I'm not doing it, they fend for themselves....just not very well. I need the ENERGY and the ideas to make it easier to do a better job...for all our sakes!

All in all, I'm hoping that after a month of eating right and working out 6 - 8 hours a day, that when I get home some of the things that seemed hard before won't seem quite so hard. I would think that after a month of camp, getting up in the morning and going to the gym for an hour won't be such a big deal. After a month of camp, stopping at the grocery store on the way home (instead of KFC!) to pick up something quick, easy, and HEALTHY to make for dinner won't be such a big deal. After a month of camp, continuing my journey with my Incredible Shrinking Ass so that I can be seen in the damn bikini in public again before I turn 40...not such a big deal!!