It has been determined...

INDUBITABLY determined, that I will NEVER be a runner.

Sometimes, the best thing a person can do to get where they're going is to admit they're lost and make a u-turn or stop and ask for directions.

I made it through the first week of the C25K program before my bad ankle crapped out on me. It was fun while it lasted. I've determined, however, that it's in my best interest to avoid the necessity of having the surgery my podiatrist recommended. Remember? I think I might have mentioned a while ago. It's the surgery where he replaces my "over-pulled taffy" ligaments in my ankle with ligaments that some dead person is no longer using. Gross. Gross. GROSS!!! Besides being a disgusting idea, the MINIMUM recovery time from this surgery is six weeks. That's six weeks being completely non-weight bearing...rolling around on one of those little carts. That's six weeks best case scenario. Considering that every time I've ever had surgery MY recovery time has been more like twelve times the best case scenario/average recovery time, all I can say to the whole notion is, "Thanks but no thanks!"

I prefer to reassess my goal. OK. I'm done. My goal of running a 5K is vapor. Gone. Poof!

Being able to WALK > Being able to run

In other news:

Tomorrow marks five weeks until I leave for my cruise. My weight loss has been pretty much stalled (not accounting for the 12 pounds I GAINED while I was completely out of commission with the vertigo) for a while now. I reintroduced a lot of bad eating habits while my fat ass and I were sitting around waiting for the world to stop spinning. When I was finally able to start working out again, I used all the exercise as an EXCUSE for eating extra crap. Great excuse, isn't it? "Sure, I can eat 2000 calories worth of pizza tonight. I burned off at least 300 calories on the treadmill this afternoon." Smart stuff.

So, like I said, I've got 5 weeks. I know how fast I can lose weight when I eat right. I've got my trainer's help. I've found lots of classes at the gym that I adore. I don't need to be able to RUN to get where I'm going. I do need to quit stopping to pick up junk food along the way! All those detours are making the trip take a lot longer.

Holy tough day at...

the gym, Batman!!

I did it! I started the C25K program this morning. I started in spite of the rain. I started in spite of the cold. I started in spite of the lack of ANY hot water to take a shower to help me wake up. (I guess cold water helps me wake up more than hot anyhow!) I started in spite of my demon ass telling me, "eat a couple Eggos with peanut butter and bananas and lay down on the couch to watch Comedy Central!"

This morning, I hauled my ass out of bed and was at my trainer's gym at 8:00 a.m. I USED to be a morning person, but lately, I've been wanting to sleep later and later and later. I think it probably has something to do with staying up at night later and later and later. I've got to get back on my normal schedule, but that's not priority #1 right now.

I had a full hour of weight training with my trainer at her gym, then I drove across the street to Gold's and hit the treadmill. Considering that it's been several months since I managed to do more than a half hour or so of cardio in one shot, I was terrified....but I went. I was trying (yeah, I know "trying" is a 4 letter word) to do the longer distance, 6 week version of the C25K program. It seems that there are several.

For Week 1 - Day 1, my instructions were to:

* walk "briskly" for 1 mile...then...
* run 2 minutes until reaching 3.5 miles...then...
* walk for 1 mile

I managed to:

* walk "briskly" (if 3.3 mph is "briskly) for 1 mile...then...
* run (more like lumber at 4.5 mph) for 2 minutes (in 30 second bursts) every 0.5 miles until I reached 2.5 miles...

Then...

I collapsed for about 10 minutes.

Then...

I took an hour long "BodyFlow" class. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Gold's Gym "Group X" classes, BodyFlow is a combination of taichi, yoga, and pilates.

Then...

I went home and ate the most massive salad ever with some of my trainer's yummy "unfried" chicken strips cut up on it.

Now...

It's everything I can do to summon the energy to type this post.

Later...

I'm hoping my husband will want to drive me back to the gym. (He committed to starting the C25K program today too!) I don't think my arms have the strength to steer. If we go, I will knock out at least another mile on the treadmill.

Judging by how much my EVERYTHING hurts right now, I can tell that this is going to be a long, tough, but VERY rewarding program.

Goals!!

I've been thinking a LOT about this lately. What, exactly, am I trying to accomplish by ditching my family, my work, my pets, and my home for 4 weeks and heading off to fat camp?

What are reasonable goals? For weight loss? For fitness? For PERMANENT changes in my lifestyle and attitudes towards health and food and fitness?

I was watching the Biggest Loser last night. Now, I don't know exactly how similar the place I'm going will be to "the ranch" but I do know that they plan on making me work out 6 - 8 hours a day. I know that someone else will be preparing my food. I can assume that they won't be feeding me the same sort of high-calorie/low nutritional value crap I tend to gravitate towards at home. I know that they give me one of those Body Bugg thingies to wear so I can supposedly see how many calories I'm burning vs. how many calories I'm consuming. The math is easy: BURN 3500 calories = LOSE one pound. Can I do that every day for a month? Could I do that TWICE a day? What's reasonable? Possible? Former camp attendees say to shoot for around 10 percent loss (average of 2.5% week) over the 4 week period.

So, like I said, I've thought about it a lot...trying to be realistic and hopeful at the same time...and this is the list of things I'm going to try to accomplish:

1. I'm shooting for a loss of 15%...I know there's going to be fat loss/muscle gain stuff going on, but overall, 15% is my goal. I won't be totally bummed out if I only hit 10%, but with the tools they're giving me and the fact that my body has always responded very nicely to being given high quality fuel and lots of exercise, I think this is reasonable.

2. I want to NOT injure my ankle!! I know this is a negative and goals SHOULD be positive, BUT (big BUT...not big BUTT)...I've blown out my right ankle one too many times already. My podiatrist says the next time means surgery for certain. The surgery entails having the stringy torn mess that remains of my ligaments replaced with cadaver ligaments (gross!) and not being able to put an ounce of weight on my foot for three months or more. This would not be a good way to continue my fitness journey. It would be bad. Really, really, bad. I have to be careful with my ankle!

3. I want to be able to RUN! The last time I tried running/jogging (I'll call it running because that seems more cool) at the gym, I managed a huffing and puffing 5 minutes at 5 mph. I would like to be able to do at least 30 minutes at that speed without feeling like I was going to have a heart attack and die!

4. I want to learn some simple ways to feed myself and MY FAMILY things that aren't going to pack pounds on me. I don't want my husband to develop diabetes like his father...in spite of the fact he's not overweight. His "go to" meal is a giant bowl of cereal...the sweeter the better. I'm tired of seeing my younger son live on frozen waffles because I'm too tired in the evening to make dinner and he's too hungry to wait for me to order something (pizza?!). I'm tired of seeing the total lack of variety in my older son's diet. For the past month, I don't think he's eaten anything but lunch meat, bread, and yogurt. No vegetables. No fruit. Just dry sandwiches and yogurt....not good. My family counts on me to lead them and feed them. If I'm not doing it, they fend for themselves....just not very well. I need the ENERGY and the ideas to make it easier to do a better job...for all our sakes!

All in all, I'm hoping that after a month of eating right and working out 6 - 8 hours a day, that when I get home some of the things that seemed hard before won't seem quite so hard. I would think that after a month of camp, getting up in the morning and going to the gym for an hour won't be such a big deal. After a month of camp, stopping at the grocery store on the way home (instead of KFC!) to pick up something quick, easy, and HEALTHY to make for dinner won't be such a big deal. After a month of camp, continuing my journey with my Incredible Shrinking Ass so that I can be seen in the damn bikini in public again before I turn 40...not such a big deal!!