In about 72 hours...

give or take a few because life tends to not be set in stone, I'll be waking up in a recovery room ready to start an incredible new journey towards a healthier life.

I can hardly wait.

I know that there are some people out there (not my friends and family, of course, but some) that think having weight loss surgery is a cop out...an easy way out.

Well, it's not.  It's scary and it requires a ton of commitment to be successful.

I've been struggling with my weight on and off since my kids were born.  That's over TWO DECADES of battling this crap with every diet and exercise plan out there.  I had moderate amounts of success and maintained a relatively healthy weight until shortly before I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  Since then, it's been a one step forward two steps back process.

Weight loss surgery is a tool.  I'm not trying to justify my decision (except maybe a bit to myself).  I've made that.  I'm just trying to explain it to those who might not understand.  There are LOTS of tools available for weight loss.

Quick Weight Loss Centers
Jenny Craig
Nutrisystem
Weight Watchers
Medifast
My Fit Foods
Personal trainers
Gym Memberships
Exercise DVDs
Two aisles in the book store filled with different diets - low carb/high protein - low fat - high fat/high fiber - blood type - body shape type...and so on and so on
Diet pills (prescription and OTC)
Meal replacement shakes and bars

I could go on and on.  I have tried nearly ALL of these different "tools" with the exception of a couple newer diets that have hit the shelves recently.  I have always been successful for a time then, for various reasons, the success comes to a grinding halt.  For me it's usually due to an illness or injury from overtraining because I love to exercise...but, as my orthopedic surgeon says, "fat people shouldn't do jumping jacks."

I've been in the hospital more times than I can count with slipped or herniated discs.  I just had surgery to repair one and with my weight where it is, I'm looking at another surgery down the road.  I have torn the meniscus in my left knee TWICE.  I'm looking at a total knee replacement in the future if I'm not careful.  My podiatrist describes the ligaments in my left ankle as "over-pulled taffy."  One more injury to my ankle means surgery and replacement of my ligaments with cadaver ligaments and a minimum of a 8 week - non weight bearing recovery.  Every time I have one of these setbacks, I lose all the ground I'd gained and then some.  This list could go on and on too.

So, I've decided to try another tool.

I read a book recently - The Sleeved Life - by Penny Nicola   She describes this surgery as a tool like any other.  She mentions our use of washing machines vs. banging our clothes on rocks in a river...of driving cars instead of hooking up a horse and buggy...and so forth.

I like her analogies.

This surgery is an amazing tool.  Many, many, many people have been incredibly successful with it when everything else failed them.  Check google images for before and after pictures and you'll see what I mean.

I intend to be one of them.

I'll be heading down...

to the hospital tomorrow to do my pre-op labs.

Considering the fact that I've been pondering this surgery for a really long time, it sure does seem like things are moving FAST!

At about this time next Tuesday, I'll be waking up in a recovery room with a new teeny tiny tummy.

I'm excited.

I'm nervous.

I'm hopeful.

I'm full of butterflies!

I want to thank all my friends and family who have been extremely supportive of my decision.  You guys are all awesome.  I love you all and appreciate your support.  This part of my journey is only just beginning and it's good to know I have a huge team of cheerleaders behind me.

I also want to thank the few of you that were worried or concerned or even told me this is not what I should do.  I know that you care about me and want me to be safe and healthy.  I love you guys too!  Please know that I took your words to heart, but in the end I am making my decision based upon my own knowledge of my own body, advice from multiple doctors, and with the support and approval of my husband, children, and parents.

My pre-op diet has been going well.  I've lost about six pounds so far.  (Hopefully, it's mostly from my liver!)  It would be great to drop another 4 or so before surgery.

 

You know what?  I think I'm MOSTLY excited!!  I think my ASS is mostly afraid!  :)

My two week pre-op diet...

starts on June 9th .  My surgery is going to be on June 23rd.

In the meantime, I've got quite a long "to do" list to get myself and my home prepared for this journey.

I've got to get back in the habit of logging my meals so I can make sure I'm getting enough protein and such.  I've done this on and off for ages, so it shouldn't be too hard to get back to it.

I also need to develop a habit of keeping track of how much water I drink.  I'm so used to being able to guzzle big 32 ounce cups of water.  After my surgery, I won't be able to do that so drinking enough water each day will take a little more effort.  I'm planning on buying one of those "flavor infusing" pitchers for the fridge.  I can add herbs and fruit and such to it, but mainly I'll know when it's empty that I've had at least as much water as my body needs.

I need to say "goodbye" to caffeine and carbonation.  I rarely have any, so this shouldn't be difficult....but I think one last Coke might be in order.

I need to start cutting out all the simple carbohydrates and increasing my protein intake.

I need to keep my ass moving.  I've been using my awesome new exercise bike a lot, but it's time to get back in the pool (it's finally warm enough - almost!) and WALKING.

I've got to start cleaning out the junk in the pantry and fridge.  I don't get into it much now, but I don't want to be tempted later.  My poor hubby is going to have to make some changes too!

I've got to go to the store and buy TONS of protein powder and low sodium broth.

Lots to do...little time to do it.

I've got to get BUSY!

An old friend...

of mine recently told me, "the wagon I fell off turned the corner and I can't even see it anymore!"

It was such a perfect description of how I've been feeling the past couple years that it stuck in my head.

Yesterday evening, I was out in my backyard picking wild blackberries. (Yes. We DO live in the far outreaches of suburbia.) I noticed I was standing in the middle of an enormous fire ant bed. (Yes. This is as bad as it sounds.) When I noticed that I was about to get bitten by about a zillion of God's most evil little creatures, I hauled my fat ass out of there at light speed! I moved because my life (not literally, but it felt that way) depended on it.

Thing is, my life DOES depend on me moving my fat ass.

This is just a quick update to let everyone know that I'm on my way to catch that damn wagon.

If you see me running after it, feel free to give my fat ass a push!

I just found out...

that I am not fat enough to be the next "Biggest Loser." Unfortunately, I AM fat enough to qualify for weight loss surgery. I don't even have to have a co-occuring medical problem such as diabetes or high blood pressure (thankfully, I don't - YET!)...I'm just plain old fat enough. I am seriously considering this option.

I've been trying to get my weight under control for nearly two decades now. I have bits of success here and there. I've gotten down to a healthy weight many times but never manage to stay there.

Just when I put out a fire...whether it be my own illness or injury...or dealing with something going on with someone I love, another starts. Just a week ago, I sincerely thought life was smoothing out. My husband and I were actually thinking a much needed vacation could be on the horizon. Then, BOOM!!!...I was hit in the face by the heat of another blaze.

I wrote a post a couple years ago about "re-starting" when I'd fallen off the healthy eating/exercising bandwagon and a couple of my friends took issue with it. I still don't know why. Isn't that what we do in life? Fall down...get up again...fall down...get up again? Keep repeating that process until we find our balance?

I've yet to find mine. I'm still looking.

I met someone recently whom I could identify with on a lot of levels. We're dealing with a lot of similar problems and feeling a similar level of grief about certain things in our lives. The similarities end there, though. While I "handle" my issues with food, she handles hers with running...not just any old sort of running...but competing in marathons and triatholons and such.

I admire her. She's learned how to channel all the hard times and hard feelings into something positive. I admire her and I envy her as well.

I realize that a lot of you sort of expect my blog posts to be humorous. I'm sorry if I've been dissapointing you lately. I'm just not feeling particularly amusing. Life's been hard for a while and I've been dealing with it poorly...only doing what I have to do...ignoring, for the most part, the things I want to do...shoving stress back down my throat along with bbq ribs and ice cream.

I want to break the cycle.

I HAVE to break the cycle.

I NEED help to break the cycle.

I wish I knew where to find it.

"What do you get ...

when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats.
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come of that?"

I don't want to be Augustus Gloop!

The break's over, ass. No more rivers of chocolate for you.

The PARTY isn't over...

until Patrick pukes!! I can say, definitively, that nobody has ever vomited during one one of my Thanksgiving get-togethers before. Before this year, that is. I have to wonder if by making some of the foods just a wee bit healthier I enabled my young nephew to gorge himself so far beyond the point of capacity that his stomach could no longer contain the load.

It doesn't matter. It was funny. Or, I guess it was funny to everyone except poor little Patrick, that is. I have a new Thanksgiving goal, now too: MAKE PEOPLE EAT UNTIL THEY VOMIT...LIKE A ROMAN ORGY!

This wasn't an "out with the old - in with the new" year. I kept a lot of things exactly the same. My sausage and apple stuffing is NOT to be tampered with...nor is my cranberry sauce. We still fried one of the turkeys, but for the roasted bird I rubbed it with olive oil and basted it with pan juices instead of butter. Nobody, including myself, noticed a difference. I cut back the butter and cream in my traditional mashed potatoes to no detriment. On the other hand, I made a separate batch of mashed potatoes with black truffle salt, brie, and more black truffles. I kept my creamed corn recipe as is...which is made with just about an equal ratio of bacon to corn to cream to butter (with a dash of black pepper) but I completely revamped the string beans (no more French's fried onions - yes, I admitted it.) and made a sauce with toasted almonds, shallots and a balsamic vinegar reduction. I left the bleu cheese out of the cucumber salad all together...but by accident, not deliberation. I simply forgot to add it. Nobody noticed.

All in all, it was a successful holiday. I'd seriously considered cancelling because I've been feeling so lousy. I would not have been able to pull things off this year without a LOT of help from my family. We didn't get to the Christmas decorating like we normally do. My general rule is to have the guests hanging lights and ornaments while I'm cooking. This year, I put everyone to work peeling vegetables instead. It would have been impossible to get everything done without everyone pitching in.

One hundred percent healthy or no, I have much to be thankful for this year...including a significantly smaller ass.

Thanksgiving is a week...

and a few hours away. With one exception, I have cooked dinner for my family and assorted and sundry friends, friends of friends, and the occasional stranger every year since I was 16 years old. In spite of, or maybe because of, all the current stress going on in my life, I fully intend (and yes, I know what "they" say about the road to hell) to do it again this year.

Considering the number of times I've cooked the meal...often for groups of people pushing 4 dozen or so, I have the whole routine down to a science. I shop. I do all the prep work (with the exception of peeling potatoes - which I've managed to delegate to my younger son in the past few years - SUCKA!) I cook. While I cook, my husband and guests decorate my home for Christmas. After dinner, I rest. My guests clean up. It's a system that's practically written in stone. It's perfect. I love it. I look forward to it most of the year!

This year, I'm a little worried the whole darn thing might go up in flames though...

What's the problem?

The problem is that I DO NOT USE RECIPES!!

Here I am...so close to meeting my goal I can actually SEE the finish line and I've come to this giant hurdle.

But seriously, what's the problem?

Well, the things I cook (without using recipes) would give Paula Deen a heart attack...or a fit of envy. Last year alone, I went through SIX POUNDS OF BUTTER!!! Yes, you read that right. 6. Six. SIX. POUNDS. OF BUTTER. My creamed "corn" alone has about a pound of butter...along with a quart of heavy cream and a couple of pounds of bacon...oh yeah, and there's some corn in there too.

We generally roast one turkey and FRY another...and, depending on the number of guests we're expecting, sometimes BBQ a bunch of extra turkey legs.

My mashed potatoes have nearly an equal ratio of potato to butter to cream (plus black truffle salt.)

For that matter, I can't think of anything besides the cranberry sauce, that doesn't have copious quantities of butter. I make up for the missing butter in the cranberry sauce with lots and lots of sugar, orange juice and a touch of (never mind, it's a secret.)

Even my salads stretch the boundaries. The green salad has tons of marinated artichoke hearts....TONS and the cucumber salad has tons of bleu cheese....TONS. They could be worse, but I know they leave a lot to be desired on the health front.

And therein lies the problem. I KNOW that my traditional Thanksgiving meal is anything but healthy. I need to fix it without ruining it for my family or myself. It will ruin it for my family if I take away all their favorites or change them to the point of being unrecognizable. It will ruin it for me if I have to stress about using "recipes" and measuring this and that.

Is there a way to fix it and make it healthy WITHOUT ruining it for all of us? Right now, I'm leaning towards writing it off as a "once a year - don't worry about it" sort of thing...but I'm afraid that sort of thinking will get me and my ass in all sorts of trouble. There are a LOT of "once a year" sort of things in life. Any suggestions?

The VERY FIRST post!

Okey Dokey...I promised myself I'd start a "blog" so that I'd have:

a) a place to journal whatever came to mind about all this weight loss/dieting/exercising stuff

and

b) a place for my friends, family, and I guess total and complete strangers to come look and see what I've been doing, thinking, EATING, etc....and hold me accountable....therefore contributing to my ultimate success!

I'm leaving for FAT CAMP (otherwise known as Real Life Fitness and Health) in just a little over a week. I'm excited and totally terrified and very, very, very hungry. As a matter of fact, the more I think about the fact that I'm going to be out in the middle of nowhere...somewhere off in Utah in a house run by healthy, skinny, fit people (who are probably Mormons and will take away my Diet Mountain Dew! EEEEK!)...the hungrier I get!

Here's a list of some of the foods that I'm really going to miss, a LOT:

McDonald's french fries (aren't they just perfect?)
Wendy's $.99 chicken nuggets (embarrassing but true!)
Chocolate...in any form except the dark kind that's supposed to be "healthy"
"Real" salad dressing
Jalapeno potato chips
Fried wasabi peas
Haribo Gummi Bears
BBQ!!!


I could totally make a meal out of any or all of those things right now. Alas, I've been TRYING to prepare myself (albeit with a lot of lapses) for my trip...sooooooo I'll probably have some more skinless, boneless chicken breast and steamed veggies for dinner again. Yum. :/

This should be an interesting project. I'm going to try to post something frequently....possibly even learn how to put pictures on here as well.

Once upon a time, I was healthy and fit and had a nice firm tush that could be shown off in public!! For heaven's sake, I taught scuba diving....spent my days working in a BIKINI! It's my goal (in spite of the battle scars from giving birth to my two gorgeous boys....both teenagers now) to be able to be seen in a bikini in public again before my 40th b-day.

Join me and MY INCREDIBLE SHRINKING ASS on our journey....I'm certain that it will be an interesting ride!

Best wishes and happy travels,
Naomi