I just watched yesterday's episode of Dr. Oz. Thank goodness for DVRs, right? (I really should be using my sick day to get some chores done or something but I actually am feeling like a load of crap so it's hard to get motivated!)
Anyhow, Dr. Oz did a bit on aging...I learned that if I could reduce my calories by 30% (or was it 15%) or drink 180 bottles of red wine a night (or take some kind of supplement that I can't spell) I might live a whole lot longer. At least that's what happened to the monkeys. Poor monkeys. Why the hell would they WANT to live longer...locked up in miserable little cages for their whole lives? If I wasn't a carnivore and sitting on a gorgeous leather recliner right now, I'd totally join PETA.
After the aging thing was over, a woman named Yolanda showed up. She was almost exactly my age...almost exactly my size. The only physical differences between us were that she's black and I'm white and that her blood pressure was high (mine would be too if I was being tested on national television!) and mine's still ok. Yolanda's single. She just went through a divorce. She's been using her weight as a reason/excuse not to date. Ouch!
I went through a divorce too...a long time ago. I've been happily remarried since 2004. My weight's been up and down and up and down since my boys were born. I was thin until I was pregnant...got enormously fat while I was pregnant...lost some, but not all of the baby weight...gained some back...and so on.
Most of the weight that I'm carrying around now came on all of a sudden about 5 years ago shortly before I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I was already remarried at the time. I am lucky enough to have found a husband that loves me for ME! He can see me right through all the fat rolls. Amazing, isn't it? I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. He looks at me and sees me.
I identified with Yolanda, though. The weight is like a shield. If something horrible happened and my relationship with my husband didn't work out, I could blame my weight instead of taking personal responsibility. If I'm not successful in things that I want to do, I can blame my weight instead of taking personal responsibility. For someone who is constantly preaching personal responsibility to her kids, I've been doing a good job of avoiding it myself!! No more.
Ass, I'm coming for you....watch out!