I just began...

a long-winded and pathetically whiny post about how bad this year has sucked and how tough I am for getting through not only this year but all the trials and tribulations of my life and so on and so on and blahblahblah.

I deleted it before I finished.

As many of you know, I haven't been writing because life has gotten in the way. As much as I KNEW that I have to keep taking care of myself (and writing, for me, is part of that)...I had to actually DO it or I'm no help to anyone.

For about a month or so now, I've been doing it. I've been logging my food religiously. I've been wearing my Bodybugg and making a point to move a little bit more every day. I've been making the doctor's appointments I need to make to get the random broken bits and pieces of me fixed so I can function without physical pain. I have NOT been obsessive. I have NOT made it an all or nothing situation.

I am changing my life, permanently, for the better, one step at a time and it is WORKING! The pounds that piled back on while I was drowning myself in my food addiction in response to uncontrollable (Hi. My name is Naomi and I AM a CONTROL FREAK!) situations in my life are starting to come off again. They aren't coming off at a record pace, but the scale is showing a lower number each week.

The world around me hasn't changed. Life is still incredibly stressful, but I am learning to respond to it in a healthier way. I am also learning to look past all the crap and appreciate the good. It's a challenging path, but I'm rising to meet it and my ass seems to be falling a little behind. ;)

By George...

I think we've got it!!

After months of feeling like crap. After more trips to more doctors than I can count. After taking medical tests that would make anal probing aliens say, "why didn't we think of that?" After all of my own miserable whining...

I SERIOUSLY THINK WE'VE GOT IT!!

Here it is:

In spite of some sort of "vestibular disorder" in my right ear, we think that the majority of my vertigo was being caused by my migraine medication. How did we surmise this? I had to STOP taking the medication for one of the tests. Within days of stopping the medication, the vertigo disappeared and hasn't returned since. Needless to say, I won't be taking that medication any longer - migraines or no.

It's wonderful to feel in charge, mostly, of my own body again.

I normally don't make New Year's Resolutions. I save them for my birthday instead.

This year, however, I am. I am not making resolutions about goals regarding losing weight or being organized or spending more "quality time" with my family. I've already made those. I'm making resolutions about HOW I'm going to get where I'm going physically.

Nothing complicated or profound, but here they are:

* I resolve that I will NOT eat out in a restaurant until my weight returns to the point I was at before I was hit with the vertigo.

* I resolve to lay off the SIMPLE carbohydrates until I've dropped two more sizes and even then to only consume them in MODERATE amounts.

* I resolve, barring illness or injury, to attend my favorite classes at my gym. That means I will be there for Body Flow on Mondays, Yoga on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Mat Pilates on Wednesdays and Fridays, and Body Pump on Sundays.

* I resolve to get back to work with my trainer as well.

* I resolve to try one NEW class per month to see if I fall in love with something different.

* I resolve to start the training course I was physically unable to take in January when it starts again in April.

I guess that's it. I think that if I work off of this list, I'll get where I'm heading. It's sort of like a MapQuest for the next year of my life.

I've got to wonder what obstacles life and my ass are going to throw in my path. All I know is that, "If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." - Frank A. Clark

What are YOUR plans?

The past couple months...

have sucked sweaty monkey balls.

I have been a prisoner in my own body and, for the most part, in my own home. The vertigo has kept me from driving anywhere. I have been entertaining myself by spending inordinate amounts of time watching television, surfing the internet, and EATING.

What do I do when I get a chance to get out of the house? Lately, I've gone to the doctor and gone out to eat. Not good. Not good at all.

I never thought I'd get to the point where I missed the gym, but I'm there. I begged my hubby to take me the other day and managed to get in about 15 - 20 minutes of cardio before I felt like I was going to puke up a lung. It was better than nothing, but not nearly enough...at least not enough for me. I've lost a ton of endurance and a lot of strength too. Like I said...this sucks.

The good news is that I'll be heading back to ENT #2 this coming week for a follow-up. He should have all my test results by now. Maybe he'll have a plan too. The better news is that I haven't heard anything back from him as of yet about the tests. Considering the fact that bad news travels fast, I'm taking that to mean that I do NOT have a brain tumor or something equally awful.

In the meantime, I've taken to chewing ridiculous quantities of sugar free gum in order to keep myself from eating so much. It seems to be working. I've lost three pounds since I took up the habit. Granted, I'm still up 5 for the past month, but still.

I'm maintaining hope that my doctors are going to be able to solve this problem once and for all. I'm lucky enough to have excellent doctors. It's now not just me vs. my ass...it's me AND a fair crop of the Houston Medical Center vs. my ass. I'm confident we'll win.

My apologies to those of you...

who have been whining, bitching, and moaning about my not writing anything recently. (You know who you are.)

Here y'all go:

I haven't been writing because I've been trying to avoid whining, bitching and moaning myself. For the past month or so, I've spent more weekdays than I can count in doctor's offices. I've spent so many hours having ultrasounds, MRIs, CT scans, and tests I can't even name that I'm quite certain my insurance company is going to put a contract out on me soon.

Today's a day off from all that. I'm at home. Alone. Watching television and doing laundry. I would like to go to the grocery store but I have to wait until my husband gets home. I've had more than one doctor tell me that I shouldn't drive while I'm feeling dizzy. I'm feeling dizzy so I'm not going to drive. Simple, but it sucks monkey balls all the same.

Working out has become nearly impossible. The rhythmic motion of ANY sort of cardio makes me so motion sick that I'm in the bathroom puking up my lungs within a couple of minutes. Yoga is a joke. If I bend over and then stand up again, the world goes grey and I end up on my ass. (I want to shrink it, not break it.) I managed to pull off a couple of sets of pushups today, but the vertigo's been significantly worse since I did. I'm hoping that's because I'm not allowed to take any Dramamine right now - in preparation for ANOTHER test that they're doing on me tomorrow.

If I were being careful about what sorts of food I was shoving in my face, I'd still be losing weight. Unfortunately, the more time I spend not being able to do much of anything besides sit around feeling sorry for myself the more I'm tempted to shove food in my face as some sort of self-defeating method of entertainment. This has been going on for about two months now, I think? I know I lost weight the first couple of weeks...then held stable for a couple...now I'm up five pounds in the past few weeks since Thanksgiving. Damn those leftovers! This does NOT bode well for meeting my goal if I don't get things under control in a big hurry.

So, what to do? Time to get things back under control. There's no sense wearing the Bodybugg when all I'm doing is sitting on my ass and/or being hauled around to doctor's all day. I can, however, get back on track using the Bugg website to log my food. I can also STOP eating things like leftover crackers and brie from Thanksgiving and Celtic sea salt caramels.

As we all know, we can't undo the past, but we can change our future by making smart decisions in the present. I can't change the fact that I ate a lousy breakfast today, but I CAN make myself something healthy for lunch...and have a protein shake for a snack later (instead of chips and salsa or some such nonsense)...and I CAN grill up some chicken and clean some lettuce or steam some veggies for all of us to have a healthy dinner (instead of ordering a pizza.) Sometimes it's easier said than done, but the way I've been feeling lately, I think it'll be easier done than said.

I'm not through with you yet, ass.

This is going to be....

a long, boring story...mostly about my current health issues. Reading it will sort of be like being trapped with your crazy Aunt Mildred at an Easter luncheon listening to stories about her blood sugar fluctuations, ingrown toenails, and halitosis. Fortunately for me, I'm still writing this blog as some sort of cathartic journaling process...so for those of you that expect me to be entertaining or offer some sort of useful information...you might want to just skip this post..that or SUCK IT UP!

Anyhow, for THREE weeks now...I've been mostly sitting around my house. Mostly sitting around my house and occasionally being driven to the medical center by my husband or my mother for one doctor's appointment or test or another. I've been having a very serious PITY PARTY. It sucks.

It all started out with the really bad allergy attack that came on as soon as I crossed the state line into Texas on the drive home from fat camp in Utah. I have determined, without a doubt, that I am allergic to this state. Someday, God-willing, we'll get to move....good economy and cheap housing be damned.

The allergy attack turned into a sinus infection. The sinus infection turned into an ear infection. I called my family doctor, but was unable to get an appointment right away with him and had to see one of his physician's assistants. The physician's assistant put me on antibiotics for my ear infection, Nasonex, and told me to stop taking the Benadryl (that's been working for me my antihistamine of choice for DECADES!) and to start taking Zyrtec-D. I figured, I haven't been to "physician's assistant school"...so I listened.

My ear infection cleared up (seemingly)...but I continued, as instructed, to take the Zyrtec-D. A few weeks later, my ear started to hurt again. It felt similar to the pain, all those years ago, of a diving injury. I was (am) also having issues with severe vertigo and can hear everything from my heartbeat to my sound of my breathing inside my head...strange stuff. This time, I was able to see MY DOCTOR. Strangely, he found no signs of an infection. NONE. He sent me to my Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) doctor.

The ENT tested my hearing. It's improved significantly since my diving days. He looked in my ear and also didn't see any signs of infection. He gave me a preliminary diagnosis of "patulous eustachian tubes"...which means, in a nutshell, that the tubes in my ears that are supposed to open and CLOSE stay open all the time. Then he sent me off to a cardiologist to find out why I'm getting so dizzy because he thought it might have something to do with my blood pressure being low.

So off to the cardiologist I went. I had an EKG. I got to take a "Holter" monitor home and wear that for 24 hours. My mother and I had an amusing discussion because we were certain that they'd misspelled "halter"...because of how you wore the damn thing...but it turns out it's someones name. Oh well...can't correct everyone all the time. On one day I had an echocardiogram. THAT reminded me how long I'm capable of holding my breath. I think I was making the nurse nervous.

On another day, I got to have a "tilt test." The test consisted primarily of spending about an hour and change being velcroed to a hospital table held upright at about 80 degrees, like Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. I spent the time chatting with my cardiologist about diving and spear-fishing while they did various and sundry stuff to me, including but not limited to dosing me with nitroglycrin and trying to make me faint. I didn't faint. The only time I felt dizzy was when they initially moved the table. I tried to explain that if they wanted to make me dizzy they needed to move the table back down and back up again...quickly...but, apparently, that wasn't the point of the test.

Based on the results of all these tests, the cardiologist has determined that there isn't a hill of beans worth of anything wrong with my heart. He told me that my vertigo is most likely caused by something in my inner ear and that I should return to the ENT. Go figure. FML.

I have yet to return to the ENT. I'm frustrated with my ear, nose and throat doctor for sending me to the cardiologist in the first place and seriously considering trying to find another doctor. Mostly though, I'm distracted and moderately freaked out by the "surprise" news I got from the cardiologist. "Surprise"...as in, "Oh by the way, when we were doing your echocardiogram, we noticed a CYST ON YOUR LIVER." You need to get that checked promptly. So, now I get to go see another doctor. And now I get to get another test. And now I have another health issue to worry about. I would sincerely like to NOT have any sort of problems with my liver. I would sincerely like to NOT have any health problems AT ALL, but that's probably too much to ask.

I'm having a little bit of trouble counting my blessings right now, but I'll try. My knees aren't bothering me anymore. My back isn't bothering me anymore. I am the ONLY person in my house that doesn't need glasses. According to the ENT (whom I'm still very irritated with)...I can supposedly hear again too (although I wish I couldn't hear my own heartbeat). We still have private health insurance. I am almost five years thyroid CANCER FREE!

So, like I said, I've been sitting around having a pity party. I've been going down the "worst case scenario" road....the "oh crap, what if I have cancer in my liver?" road. I've been sitting around feeling really sorry for myself. I've been using the vertigo as an excuse not to work out. Yes, I get really dizzy. Yes, I might fall off the friggin' treadmill. (What's new?!) Yes, it's not really safe for me to drive. (How about hauling my fat ass upstairs and using the thousands of dollars of equipment I have at my disposal at home?) If none of that, how about not using everything else as an excuse to "snack" on just a few too many simple carbs. Yeah, I know. I've been letting my ass take the reins. No more. It felt too good to get up off of my ass the past two days and do something. (We painted.) It's time to get back to work on my ass. I'll cross the rest of the bridges when I come to them.

I'm conflicted about this too...

I can't figure out if I should take what the new surgeon told me as good news or crappy news.

Normally, I wouldn't feel the need to get a second opinion but under this particular set of circumstances I did. When I came back from fat camp with my left leg all boogered up, I knew I needed to get into the doctor post haste. I was also fighting another nasty upper resperatory infection, so my first stop was my G.P.'s office. They put me on antibiotics for the URI and gave me a shot of cortisone in my knee and told me to stay off of it for a few days and see if it got better. If it didn't get better, I was supposed to either go back to see them or get an appointment with our local sports medicine place.

I chose to go to the sports medicine place. I've spent a lot of time there in the past. Sometimes I've really got to wonder why the hell I'm such a friggin' klutz?!!! It would be nice to get through a whole year without spraining something or straining something or dislocating something or breaking something!

Anyhow, the two doctors that I've seen in the past at the sports medicine place didn't have any appointments available for weeks so I took an appointment with a new doctor. The new doctor did x-rays...didn't see anything but had a couple guesses. He sent me for an MRI. His guesses were right. Like I've mentioned (I'm quite certain way more times than you're all interested in hearing, but like I said from the get-go, this blog is mostly for me...so tough it up!)...I have a stress fracture in my left tibia and a torn medial meniscus. This doctor gave me a brace to wear...told me not to walk more than necessary and gave me two choices: a) wait for the fracture to heal and see if the pain goes away or b) get the arthroscopic surgery for the meniscus now (he said there was a 90% chance I'd need it) and rehab from everything all at once.

I wasn't sure what to think about those choices. I also really wasn't sure what to think about the fact that this particular doctor was GIDDY about the healthcare bill getting signed in. I think it's a travesty and am seriously considering a move to Cuba or something (if I'm going to be a communist I might as well go hard core!)...he was GIDDY! It creeped me out. None of my other doctors are happy about it. Some have retired...others are considering it. Did I say this guy was GIDDY?? Creepy. Creepy. Creepy. So...I decided I needed to see another doctor. If I do need surgery, there's no way I'm letting Dr. Giddy Pants near me with a scalpel!

Both my endocrynologist (one of the doctors who will probably retire and/or move with me to Cuba if the government starts telling him how to practice medicine) and my mother-in-law gave me the name of another doctor. This guy only does knees. Apparently, he does the knees for most of our local major sports teams and whatnot. He's supposedly a "knee guru" or whatever you'd call the best of the best of the best of knee doctors. I was surprised to be able to get an appointment with him within a few days of my first call.

The appointment was for yesterday at 3 p.m. My husband drove me to the medical center. I'm still popping Vicodin like M&Ms and driving isn't such a good idea. We showed up at the office at 2:45. I filled out my forms. (You know, if the government wanted to do something SMART to fix healthcare, they'd standardize all the stupid forms and give people something they could do at home and bring with them. That would save a ton of time and money for everyone.) After filling out my forms, I checked in with the insurance girl. She told me that because we have good private insurance (enjoy it while it lasts, right?!) we'd have no payment that day. Then we waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and waited....and waited. I finally got called back at about a quarter till 5....me and 3 or 4 other people that had also been waiting forever.

The nurse took my MRI CD/DVD and paperwork and stuck me in an exam room...to wait...and wait and wait and wait some more. When Dr. Guru came in, he did pretty much exactly nothing for about a minute and a half. He told me not to wear the brace the other doctor had told me to wear. He told me to use the crutches the other doctor had told me I didn't need to use. He told me not to put any weight on my leg...at all. And he told me to come back to see him in four weeks.

Pardon my language, my more sensitive readers, but WHAT THE FUCK?

So, now I've got two totally conflicting sets of protocol about what to do. I don't trust the first doctor at all, but I didn't get to spend enough time with the second doctor to even guess at whether or not I should trust him. I DO trust my endocrynologist...and my mother-in-law...and all the reviews....but still! It would have been nice to have had the time to get my questions answered.

What do I do? How the hell am I supposed to get around without putting any weight on my left leg for four weeks? My right knee and ankle were messed up long before any of this happened and 5 minutes on crutches had them screaming bloody murder at me. I've been using a walker I borrowed from my Mom (leftover from her hip replacement surgery - looking cool, eh?) and while it's a fantastic upper body workout I'm a little afraid I'm going to kill myself or one of our dogs trying to negotiate around the obstacles in our home...not to mention that I'm already getting blisters on my hands.

Good God I sound like a whiny, obnoxious, little titty baby, don't I?

On a lighter note...Dr. Guru did say I could swim. If I had access to a pool, I'd be in it right now!! If fat camp did nothing else for me, it did seem to reignite the "I love to exercise!" flame I used to have burning all the time when I was younger...and healthier...and my ass wasn't so enormous.

Change of plans...

The germs won...for now, at least. As we discussed previously, they conspired with the fat cells in my ass, waged an all out war and the little shits won. In spite of two trips to the doctor (as of yesterday THREE)...three different kinds of antibiotics, a steroid dose pack, an inhaler, copious amounts of Sudafed and Mucinex, enough Vitamin C to take out an orange grove, and, so far, SIX boxes of tissues, THE GERMS WON!!

BUT as the historians like to say...they won the battle...NOT THE WAR!

I had to reschedule my trip to fat camp out in Utah. I was supposed to leave on the 7th. I'm going to leave on the 28th (my Mommy's b-day) instead. Is this perfect timing for me? No. It means I'm going to be gone for my kids' Spring Break. I'm going to be gone for my b-day...although I'm not sure those really matter any more. I'm going to miss more of my younger son's baseball games than I would care to miss.

None of that's the end of the world, though. I have almost three weeks between now and then to get over this crud so I can hit the gym running (or at least walking at a decent clip) when I get to Utah. If I get better sooner, it would probably be in my best interest to go to my gym here once or twice before I go too!

In the meantime, I wonder if the germs know that they've made me so sick that I haven't been hungry...therefore haven't eaten any more than I've absolutely had to so I can take my medicine...and because of that have lost 6 pounds in the past 7 days. Shhhhhhhhhh! Don't tell them! ;)